The world of Liam: An analysis of submitting a resume with respect to modern safety standards

The world of Liam

Er.. Liam practicing his typing in front of a possible audience of a few billion, and a probable audience of significantly less.

Location: United Kingdom

Saturday, January 22, 2005

An analysis of submitting a resume with respect to modern safety standards


QUOTE An analysis of submitting a resume with respect to modern safety standards. UNQUOTE

I state the above as I need to know what I'm meant to be blogging about. The heading is too long to read in one go, in the title field of my blog. And yes [it is actually proven to be a sackable offence to start a sentence with the word AND, under current HSE regs, but this being a perverse way of spending good sleeping time, I won't ring if you don't] I know I could delete it, but I have a word count to acheive, and the quote; along with the explanation for requiring the quote, helps nicely, thankyou very much.. :)

In my day, they were called CVs, as opposed to resumes, after that famous old Citroen, the 2CV.. as that was the minimum number of said documents needed to even get a letter of refusal, let alone a firm offer of employment. Now of course times have changed, and things have moved on, to the point that it is compulsory under the Health and Safety at Work Act, to politely refuse someone a fair day's pay for pretending to know how to do the job they were originally applying for. Of course under these guidelines, you don't have to even know how to do the job. Just claim unfair dismissal at the first sign of not having recieved the letter of refusal, and watch the money roll in.

But the Health and Safety directive starts to rear it's ugly head long before you get to the post box at the corner of the next street. The very first dilemma you encounter is whether to use pen and paper, or to type your resume.

[I will, from now on use the term resume, as that is the featured title after all, but I don't have to necessarily agree with it]

They say the pen is mightier than the sword, and although in principle there are arguments for and against, the pen could do irreperable damage to soft tissue, if you inadvertantly stabbed yourself in the eye or any other more tender parts of your anatomy. This will systematically lead to possible reprisals from the watchdogs of health.

The typewriter/keyboard is your other option but again, you still risk serious injury from RSI. Using a PC will considerably lessen the problems, as you can type out the whole lot and just change a few bits to personalise each application. The job of Nightclub Bouncer will probably mean that you don't have to explain in too much detail, your fondness for flower arranging; but for a possible career of a more creative nature [although, to be fair, face rearranging could be deemed to contain some creativity, at some level at least] such as Teacher of Poetry to GCSE (and possibly AS level for the right candidate), it would be irresponsible not to mention it, even in passing.

You must understand though, that whichever medium you choose to relay such information, the stress involved would surely have an effect on you. Safety is of paramount consideration to those wishing to seek gainful employ, and I cannot stress too highly the implications of a resume that hasn't been risk-assessed to the Nth degree. You owe it to yourselves to remain vigilant at all times to the inherent problems associated with such an endeavour. If in doubt about any of the above factors then I'd suggest that you hasten down to the local FashionMart, and get yourself fitted with a Burberry baseball cap, and learn to love daytime TV. If the TV in question happens to be reruns of Lilly Savage's Blankety Blank, then so be it. We're not here to sit in judgement, but just to make sure that whatever path you follow to fulfillment and enlightenment, you do it at a standard of safe passage such that the phrase "well, it's 'is Human Rights.. innit Guv" does never need to be uttered in a court of Law.

So sayeth I.



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