The world of Liam: Starting a lucrative home business based on sliced bread

The world of Liam

Er.. Liam practicing his typing in front of a possible audience of a few billion, and a probable audience of significantly less.

Location: United Kingdom

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Starting a lucrative home business based on sliced bread

I just had to press the button again.. :)

Starting a lucrative home business based on sliced bread

This is of course a veritable quagmire of posible dissolusionment, leading to either fame and fortune or more likely winding up with your only friend being a cheapo Tesco's sauvignon, wrapped up in a brown paper bag.

I'm talking about setting up your own business, and one at home at that.. to seamlessly blend the context of this diatribe into the general text.. as t'were.

So I, and my (or is it my {whatever] and I??) personal banking advisor (who miraculously becomes a small business consultantcy executive, for a couple of hours on Wednesdays and Fridays) put our heads together and come up with.. A lucrative home based business based to some large extent, on sliced bread. I like to point out at this time, that should I want to talk about the nigh on infinite possibilities of one-man business ship, that the next time I embark on a round of expert consultations, I will ask a grown up.

Anyway, we have this business plan put together, and it has more than one facet, you'll be pleased to hear.. (for the next hour or so, I've got nothing better to do than to sit here writing this drivel, so I'm going to make it as arduous a task as possible for my readership as well, in the vain hope that I can achieve some perverse satisfaction from knowing you are writhing in mental anguish at the futility of my prose) :)

Facet 1. You know those envelopes that you send photos in with Photos. Please do not Bend written on them in red ink, (that I've most cheekily presented in a genuine red colour for your optical delight), well, they are no more than a peice of toast wrapped in brown manilla. The secret is out, and you heard it hear [or here, but a typo with irony, do you not think] first. Yes, a commercially sound product, that for a fraction of the cost can be used to send your precious prints anywhere in the world. I haven't yet decided though, whether to just market the envelopes from here, boxed in 100s, or if I should reap more profitability from them by stuffing them at home with useful commercial infowear, for a [TBA] corporate clientele. More thinking to be done on that score.

Facet 2. (At this point, you're hoping that this faceted thing isn't going to be a didodecahedron aren't you) Window event covers. Not as absurd as you may think at first glance. (No, really?? No.. really) Sliced bread arrives pre-packed and of a shape and size that lends itself oh so naturally as a windproof(ish) vent de-draughticide (don't laugh at the made up words, they may be on the submission list for your next lazyblog) :) They could even be resold in smaller packs, for those purchasers who have only one or two vents to seal. Much in the same way as Hovis now do those little packs of bread for the single professional. They have only half the allotted wheat-based snack food contained therein, but surprisingly work out at around the same price-per-slice.

Facet 3. As pistores (not to be confused with the slightly salty-sweet spicy Pis Pis mentioned in earlier comentaries), an early middle eastern custom of using stale bread as a makeshift plate. Pizza Hut do the same thing, serving cheese and tomato puree (with a selection of other toppings at only a £1 for one fifth of a diced green pepper, now that's business sense for you) on them. It just became more of a tradition to eat the pistore, so much so, that they even now supply you with a china plate off of which to eat the bread one.

Facet 4. Are you getting worried now, as to how much time I have in which to finish this blog? You should be.. but I think I'll end it here with the last facet, and that is to sell them on eBay for £0.99, plus £8.50 p+p. No one ever really considers the price of p+p when buying on eBay, and at the end of the day, if someone dislikes receiving a slice of best Kingsmill (for with the profit margin so high, you can indeed sell branded bread) you give them their 99p back, plus they have to pay the postage to return it to you. That's £8.50 minus, say 20p for an envelope.. (quick mathematical calculation) £8.30 for each slice pure profit, less eBay's commission, of perhaps 4p per sale. 20 slices per loaf, at 60p a loaf, and you're looking at a clean profit of £164.60 for every pack you buy.. and if you use the handy protective envelopes from Facet 1, that increases the profit/loss margins of the business again.

On that last point, I feel hungry, and will now go have something to eat. (Which is why it's not been fully proof read.. any mistakes you find?? well that's what the comments bit is for.. :)



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