The world of Liam: January 2005

The world of Liam

Er.. Liam practicing his typing in front of a possible audience of a few billion, and a probable audience of significantly less.

About Me

Name:
Location: United Kingdom

Saturday, January 29, 2005

Blogging Brits..

Hi,

You may have seen that my Blogging Brits logo..





..has evolved somewhat from the original..


«#Blogging Brits?»


I emailed the originator at BB, and at some point, I'll be hosting the logo so that it can be linked to the automation that gives everyone their individual identity upon joining.. but for now, (and this is only for those of you that use the Blogspot based blogs, such as mine) here is the script to enhance your own blog, with this err.. logo. :)



This is of course specifically for me, my identity on the ring being 1801. If you want to use this (remember.. blogspot sites only) then all you need to do is to change the eight instances of your ID number to your own. Hover the mouse over any of the following symbols on your blog's displayed BB link... « # ? »... and look at the link shown in the status bar at the bottom of your browser. It will show as..

http://www.ringsurf.com/netring?ring=blogging_brits;id=1801;action=rand

The number highlighted in RED is the number you want. Replace the number 1801 with your own number, paste in over the top of the existing Blogging Brits script, that you were given when you first joined.. (it will look like this..)




..and you're ready to go. The Arrows on each end will send you back and forth in the webring, one at a time, RAND will send you to a random blog, and LIST will take you to the complete list of sites in the webring. You'll notice that the arrows have a black border, making appear as rectangles, but on a blog with a white background, they seem to dissappear.. (from what I can tell from my text field here while composing this post anyway.. no promises though) :)

If you want a bit of help with this, then just leave a comment, and I'll be happy to help you.

Cheers

Liam

posted by Liam | 7:31 PM |

Trees vs Fence.. Trees win..

Hi all,

I bought a new digital camera a couple of weeks ago (more later), and although I'm still practicing the finer points (like focussing) :), I went out this afternoon to take a few photos of some trees I saw on my travels earlier in the week. The fence had obviously been there either before the trees were planted, or at some time early on in their life. The trees have absorbed the fence, and I thought it looked quite good, so here is a small selection of the photos I took. I hope you like them. (Hover mouse over pictures)

Click to enlarge


A marshmallow tree


Oh look, another tree with a bit of fence through it :)


Once you discover how to do mouseovers, you quickly run out of useful things to put in the text


I'll no doubt return and take a few more when the light is better. The fence runs for some 300 yards along a private driveway, so there are loads more weird and wonderful combinations of metal and wood.

Cheers

Liam

posted by Liam | 5:52 PM |

Sunday, January 23, 2005

Starting a lucrative home business based on sliced bread

I just had to press the button again.. :)

Starting a lucrative home business based on sliced bread

This is of course a veritable quagmire of posible dissolusionment, leading to either fame and fortune or more likely winding up with your only friend being a cheapo Tesco's sauvignon, wrapped up in a brown paper bag.

I'm talking about setting up your own business, and one at home at that.. to seamlessly blend the context of this diatribe into the general text.. as t'were.

So I, and my (or is it my {whatever] and I??) personal banking advisor (who miraculously becomes a small business consultantcy executive, for a couple of hours on Wednesdays and Fridays) put our heads together and come up with.. A lucrative home based business based to some large extent, on sliced bread. I like to point out at this time, that should I want to talk about the nigh on infinite possibilities of one-man business ship, that the next time I embark on a round of expert consultations, I will ask a grown up.

Anyway, we have this business plan put together, and it has more than one facet, you'll be pleased to hear.. (for the next hour or so, I've got nothing better to do than to sit here writing this drivel, so I'm going to make it as arduous a task as possible for my readership as well, in the vain hope that I can achieve some perverse satisfaction from knowing you are writhing in mental anguish at the futility of my prose) :)

Facet 1. You know those envelopes that you send photos in with Photos. Please do not Bend written on them in red ink, (that I've most cheekily presented in a genuine red colour for your optical delight), well, they are no more than a peice of toast wrapped in brown manilla. The secret is out, and you heard it hear [or here, but a typo with irony, do you not think] first. Yes, a commercially sound product, that for a fraction of the cost can be used to send your precious prints anywhere in the world. I haven't yet decided though, whether to just market the envelopes from here, boxed in 100s, or if I should reap more profitability from them by stuffing them at home with useful commercial infowear, for a [TBA] corporate clientele. More thinking to be done on that score.

Facet 2. (At this point, you're hoping that this faceted thing isn't going to be a didodecahedron aren't you) Window event covers. Not as absurd as you may think at first glance. (No, really?? No.. really) Sliced bread arrives pre-packed and of a shape and size that lends itself oh so naturally as a windproof(ish) vent de-draughticide (don't laugh at the made up words, they may be on the submission list for your next lazyblog) :) They could even be resold in smaller packs, for those purchasers who have only one or two vents to seal. Much in the same way as Hovis now do those little packs of bread for the single professional. They have only half the allotted wheat-based snack food contained therein, but surprisingly work out at around the same price-per-slice.

Facet 3. As pistores (not to be confused with the slightly salty-sweet spicy Pis Pis mentioned in earlier comentaries), an early middle eastern custom of using stale bread as a makeshift plate. Pizza Hut do the same thing, serving cheese and tomato puree (with a selection of other toppings at only a £1 for one fifth of a diced green pepper, now that's business sense for you) on them. It just became more of a tradition to eat the pistore, so much so, that they even now supply you with a china plate off of which to eat the bread one.

Facet 4. Are you getting worried now, as to how much time I have in which to finish this blog? You should be.. but I think I'll end it here with the last facet, and that is to sell them on eBay for £0.99, plus £8.50 p+p. No one ever really considers the price of p+p when buying on eBay, and at the end of the day, if someone dislikes receiving a slice of best Kingsmill (for with the profit margin so high, you can indeed sell branded bread) you give them their 99p back, plus they have to pay the postage to return it to you. That's £8.50 minus, say 20p for an envelope.. (quick mathematical calculation) £8.30 for each slice pure profit, less eBay's commission, of perhaps 4p per sale. 20 slices per loaf, at 60p a loaf, and you're looking at a clean profit of £164.60 for every pack you buy.. and if you use the handy protective envelopes from Facet 1, that increases the profit/loss margins of the business again.

On that last point, I feel hungry, and will now go have something to eat. (Which is why it's not been fully proof read.. any mistakes you find?? well that's what the comments bit is for.. :)

Cheers

Liam

This blog post fulfils the assignment Starting a lucrative home business based on sliced bread at lazyblog.org. You can rate it here.

posted by Liam | 2:04 PM |

The time I left school because of Pis Pis River

Why do I do this to myself.. :)

The time I left school because of Pis Pis River

As you all know (in the voice of Frank Muir, a hero of our time) the Pis Pis (pronounced Pie Pie) River is in Nicaragua. It has a strange tendency to drain every so often. The water just runs out to the sea. It is when this phenomenon happens that the locals rush out onto the dryish river bed and harvest the Pis Pis. Pis Pis is a water weed found only on the bed of this one river, and is a local delicacy, fetching up to 45 Cordoba (around £1.50) per Kilo**

When made into a Pis Pis chiffonade (chopped up a bit), it is used as a light garnish on a local dish known as Piricipinia, made from small parcels of raw dried Echelloto (a local river fish) in much the same way as caviar on rolled salmon. It has a salty-sweet taste, and a slight spiciness to it.

It is also famed for it's medicinal qualities, being high in iron and potassium.

Anyway, to cut a long story short, this particular plant was covered in a Natural Science lesson at school. I was fourteen and full of dreams, and so after waiting until a Geography lesson the following day, in order to precisely locate the whereabouts of Nicaragua, and of course more specifically the Pis Pis River, I shouldered my belongings and set off from school as soon as the dinner break bell sounded, to go in search of the source of this near mystical plant.

I had ideals back then. I thought I could help the locals to farm the Pis Pis, perhaps help to erect some sort of sluicing system in order to have a more productive harvesting regime.. ah, they were the days.. the freedom of the open road, the weariness that comes from a long day's walk.. and more to the point, the fact that not only did I have no money to get to Nicaragua, it was unlikely that after stocking up on sweets from the tuck shop for the journey, would I have even the bus fare home.

So I returned to school just in time for double maths. It was one of my greatest adventures, and one that will live with me in glorious Black and White (we didn't all have colour back in those days) until my last breath.

And that is why I left school because of the Pis Pis River.

Cheers

Liam


**Can you believe it, I'm actually researching on Google for the info for this.. :)

This blog post fulfils the assignment The time I left school because of Pis Pis River at lazyblog.org. You can rate it here.


posted by Liam | 11:24 AM |

The long term effects of chocolate on the water supply

The long term effects of chocolate on the water supply

Hi,

It should come as no surprise to anyone by now, the damaging environmental effects that chocolate has on the water supply. In a recent EU commission report, it was suggested that the seepage into the natural water table in areas such as Bournville in Birmingham, England; a town renowned for it's chocolate production, of cocoa products, is at an all time high.

The biggest immediate problem facing the locals is the water turning brown. It's not too distressing, as with Birmingham being at the heart of the Black Country, industrialisation has more than once wrecked the natural water resources. The situation can not be ignored in the hopes that it will go away on it's own. The local EECRT [European Emergency Chocolate Recovery Team] have this morning issued a statement, stating {as that seems to be the thing that statements do best} that..

"The current situation is such that as of Thursday the 4th, we will begin to take radical action to ensure that the safety of those living locally to any such chocolate hotspot, will be of paramount importance to us. We will attempt to accertain all that needs accertaining in order to accertain which way to proceed from therein forthwith and maybe hereafter as well, in an effort to capitalise on the resources available in order to resolve this issue."

As is usual with any European organisation, they have said nothing. Locals note that the next Thursday 4th to appear on their calendars is in August 2005, and as the kids have just broken up for the summer holidays it would cause too much disruption to the local area having a bunch of inspectors resplendent in white paper overalls running amok in the streets.

Failing this we are looking at May next year. This is a very complex time, as it is the day when the Galaxy, Mars and Milky Way factories will all be trying to outdo each other for the highest sales quota for the previous year. This is affectionately known as the Chocolate Star Wars, after the brand names. It is perceived that this will be a time of great uncertainty for all, so on a personal note can I just say..

"May the Fourth be with you"

(May 4th.. gedit) :) hehe

Enough already.

Cheers

Liam
This blog post fulfils the assignment The long term effects of chocolate on the water supply at lazyblog.org. You can rate it here.

posted by Liam | 9:53 AM |

Saturday, January 22, 2005

An analysis of submitting a resume with respect to modern safety standards

Hi,

QUOTE An analysis of submitting a resume with respect to modern safety standards. UNQUOTE

I state the above as I need to know what I'm meant to be blogging about. The heading is too long to read in one go, in the title field of my blog. And yes [it is actually proven to be a sackable offence to start a sentence with the word AND, under current HSE regs, but this being a perverse way of spending good sleeping time, I won't ring ClaimsDirect.com if you don't] I know I could delete it, but I have a word count to acheive, and the quote; along with the explanation for requiring the quote, helps nicely, thankyou very much.. :)

In my day, they were called CVs, as opposed to resumes, after that famous old Citroen, the 2CV.. as that was the minimum number of said documents needed to even get a letter of refusal, let alone a firm offer of employment. Now of course times have changed, and things have moved on, to the point that it is compulsory under the Health and Safety at Work Act, to politely refuse someone a fair day's pay for pretending to know how to do the job they were originally applying for. Of course under these guidelines, you don't have to even know how to do the job. Just claim unfair dismissal at the first sign of not having recieved the letter of refusal, and watch the money roll in.

But the Health and Safety directive starts to rear it's ugly head long before you get to the post box at the corner of the next street. The very first dilemma you encounter is whether to use pen and paper, or to type your resume.

[I will, from now on use the term resume, as that is the featured title after all, but I don't have to necessarily agree with it]

They say the pen is mightier than the sword, and although in principle there are arguments for and against, the pen could do irreperable damage to soft tissue, if you inadvertantly stabbed yourself in the eye or any other more tender parts of your anatomy. This will systematically lead to possible reprisals from the watchdogs of health.

The typewriter/keyboard is your other option but again, you still risk serious injury from RSI. Using a PC will considerably lessen the problems, as you can type out the whole lot and just change a few bits to personalise each application. The job of Nightclub Bouncer will probably mean that you don't have to explain in too much detail, your fondness for flower arranging; but for a possible career of a more creative nature [although, to be fair, face rearranging could be deemed to contain some creativity, at some level at least] such as Teacher of Poetry to GCSE (and possibly AS level for the right candidate), it would be irresponsible not to mention it, even in passing.

You must understand though, that whichever medium you choose to relay such information, the stress involved would surely have an effect on you. Safety is of paramount consideration to those wishing to seek gainful employ, and I cannot stress too highly the implications of a resume that hasn't been risk-assessed to the Nth degree. You owe it to yourselves to remain vigilant at all times to the inherent problems associated with such an endeavour. If in doubt about any of the above factors then I'd suggest that you hasten down to the local FashionMart, and get yourself fitted with a Burberry baseball cap, and learn to love daytime TV. If the TV in question happens to be reruns of Lilly Savage's Blankety Blank, then so be it. We're not here to sit in judgement, but just to make sure that whatever path you follow to fulfillment and enlightenment, you do it at a standard of safe passage such that the phrase "well, it's 'is Human Rights.. innit Guv" does never need to be uttered in a court of Law.

So sayeth I.

Cheers

Liam

This blog post fulfils the assignment An analysis of submitting a resume with respect to modern safety standards at lazyblog.org. You can rate it here.

posted by Liam | 11:38 PM |

Feasible ways to improve the modern kitchen

Hi,

To improve the modern kitchen in a feasable way.. (do you remember when you had to write the answer to a question in your English lessons, by starting off with a rewrite of the original question?.. well I do) you would obviously want to install more labour saving gadgets. That means having an eye-level Gordon Brown, to work out budgetary concerns for the filling of the pantry. This is obviously a New Labour saving device and as such may take a while to catch on, will work out quite costly, to the point where your pension contributions may have to be purloined to finance the unit, and eventually end up on the scrap heap, without ever having achieved it's real aim in life.

On a more serious note, a pizza oven would have to be installed, along with a bed, television and computer.. a small bar is obviously a requirement, and a vice.

A vice you ask (you did so, I heard you)!! Of course. Being male, a vice is a necessary peice of kitchen equipment. How many times have you, or your partner, needed a hand in the kitchen? And I bet not once did you consider that a vice would be a good thing. Stick a rotary drill in the vice, with a wire brush bit fitted, and you'll never have a problem with burnt on food in the caserole dish again. This alone means that instaed of buying expensive detergents that actually do the job they say they will, you can buy the special offer stuff from the local supermarket for £0.23 a gallon. It doesn't normally have the degreasing qualities of water, but now.. you don't need them. Just use it as the lubricant for the wire brush, and you're sorted. A quick rinse and the washing up is complete.

So, apart from the vice, which although I see as an incredibly useful item, would be considered a luxury by some, we have as the main components of our new and improved kitchen..

A Pizza Oven
Computer
Small Bar
Television
Bed

Oh, and a kitchen sink.

Job done. The ideal modern kitchen is a bedsit.

Next article later. If I do this right, there will eventually be a box proclaiming that I've written this blog for a project known as Lazyblog, just in case you think I've lost it completely, although on proof reading this.. well you may have a point. :)

Cheers

Liam
This blog post fulfils the assignment Feasible ways to improve the modern kitchen at lazyblog.org. You can rate it here.

posted by Liam | 8:50 PM |

Wednesday, January 19, 2005

A bird in the hand..

Hi all,

As I've mentioned in previous blogs, I'm owned by five of the finest feline specimens known to humanity. Although they insinuated a desire for anonimity, I felt that as Alan's Tigritsa came out in public stylee, I feel it only fair that I should introduce.. Jennifer (or, more affectionately Fennijer); mother to Tigger (boy son), Molly, Smudgy (daughters) and Tom (no relation, but has obvious feelings for Molly, in a purely platonic way (a vet's cut being by far the cruellest)).

I popped home for lunch today, and after a few minutes was treated to the sound of claws on woodwork. It was, much to my dismay, Jennifer bringing home something for the pot. The something in question happened to be a young adult blackbird. At first glance it looked dead to the world, lying as it was, motionless on the front path.

Of course, on opening the door, the family (of a purely four legged variety) trooped out en masse to see what the fuss was about. At which point, the aforementioned (supposedly dead) {although it's tempting, I refuse to do any Monty Python type references here}.. (well; except that one anyway) blackbird, (hereinafter known as Lazarus) decided that he'd had enough, and flapped a lot, all the way to the neighbour opposite's front garden.

Of course the tribe of intrepid hunters followed, sensing the fresh blood of a kill (and free food into the bargain). I scurried out to find this wretched animal cowering in some sort of leafless shrubbery, surrounded by the supporting cast of "Born Free".

I was brought up in the country, and I know that cats eat products other than Whiskers, but I don't like to see them playing with their food. Frankly, my babies couldn't kill a living animal any more than I could. They just seem to play with the catch until it dies of natural causes.

So, to cut a long stor... nah, you know me better than that.. :)

I retrieved Lazarus from the shrubbery (no, I still refuse to do MP). The tribe watched anxiously from the side lines, I guess hoping that I'd divide it into individual portions for them. Couldn't do it, and wouldn't do it. I picked up a very frightened bird (again???) :) and held it in my hands. It was sort of breathing, and it sort of had a heartbeat, but I figured that the shock of the last 10 minutes was enough to see it out..

As is the case with most slaves to their pets, I love animals. I held this little bird in my hand, (it barely covered my palm) and felt it's claws clutch at my finger. I swallowed.

I'm not exactly a qualified vet, but I reckoned that it was on the way out from shock. I thought I'd at least let it go in a more dignified fashion than as a starter for a piggy bunch of pussies (more about our Crib team another time). I held it my hand for around 30 minutes (outside in the cold, as Tom, being the only genuine Hunter/Gatherer in the brood was inside and would be quite happy to get me to pass the sauce), watching it slowly deteriorate.. or so I thought. I stood there stroking it's neck, watching it open and close it's beak. I dreaded it dying, but at the same time, hated to think it was suffering.

Then it started making little noises. It wriggled a bit, and then a little more. I didn't know if this was the final act, or whether a recovery was in the offing! As it turned out, Lazurus was doing the full reincarnation bit, and struggled, then flew off. He only flew a few feet before landing.. with a gentle curse about some bloke called Newton, and why couldn't he keep his mouth shut about those bloody apples..!!

I picked him up, and then had the dilema of where to put him until he was fully recovered. Well I found a place well out of the clutches of the cats, and he did indeed recover. (I've already nodded off once while typing this, it's late and I'm knackered)

I'll continue this tomorrow, if I feel it needs it.. :)

Cheers

Liam

posted by Liam | 12:05 AM |

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells..

Hi all,

Some of you may have seen a couple of comments I made [on Garvan's blog] concerning the moral minority and their utter indignation at, amongst other things, the Jerry Springer Opera being shown on BBC over the weekend.. if not, here they are for your delictation..


On Friday (or Saturday), a big group of evangelical christians turned up at the BBC studios in Wood Lane to have a TV licence burning party. Reporters interviewed some of the participants , and not one of them seemed to have the first idea what the show actually contained in the way of offensive material. I haven't seen it, I hasten to add, although I was going to, but it was such an important event that I forgot all about it being broadcast even.

There was a lot of fuss over a Sikh playwright a couple of weeks ago, whose play (performed somewhere in Birmingham) portrayed scenes of rape and murder in a Sikh temple. The show was cancelled because a few people protested.

It's laughable really.. Griff Reece Jones commented at the time about how it should be an absolute right to be able to offend people [when questions were asked about religious hatred.. that's the media for you]. I agree. If I felt that I would be offended by either JS or the Hindu play, then I have a choice of not watching. Equally, the furore that ensued when Billy Connolly made a joke about Ken Bigley.. I don't remember what it was, but what was the fuss about? Billy Connolly is a rough tough ex-welder who tells rude jokes to a paying audience that know who he is.. if they got a bit peeved by the content of his show, so 'kin what. They're obviously too stupid to be let out on their own. I've been to see Jim Davidson before now.. he was extremely offensive, and probably offended every single person in the audience that night.. absolutely bloody marvellous it was.

Keep on offending our moral values Auntie Beeb, and all you outlandish comedians. That's what we want. And if you can seriously offend people without them even seeing the much maligned works, even better.

[The more discening amongst you will see that I corrected one particular gaff from the original] :)

And now we have it all over again. Anyone who has seen even a snipet of news, or a glance at a paper today will have seen Prince Harry dressed up as a WWII German soldier at a fancy dress party. On Radio 5 today, they have had a procession of the professionally outraged, ring in and tell everybody how upset we must be at these revelations. I know I must be offended to my very core, because the bloke on the radio said I was, in some sweeping generalisation or other.

Anyone would think that he turned up on Rememberance Sunday, dressed as he was, in designer Afrikawear. He was at a friend's private party, letting his hair down.. as would most young men of his age on a Saturday night. Some idiot present obviously had the financial nouse to click away with his cell phone, and get the photo out to The Sun as a matter of urgency. According to Arthur Edwards [the Sun's Royal Photographer] this morning, the lucky photographer was more than likely looking at around £100k for his piccie. I'm not an historian by any means, but this wasn't the uniform of the Gestapo or the SS. This looks like the standard issue uniform of a desert soldier.

As I type, I can hear more about this scandal being broadcast on the news.

Does anyone think for one minute that Harry condones the actions of those involved in the Nazi genocide, and proudly wore the uniform, in the same way that a fat lad from London prides himself on wearing a Chelsea shirt every waking moment? Of course not. Is every person who wore a pair of flashing red horns on Halloween a potential satanist? Of course not.

This is a twenty year old lad getting pissed up round his mate's house, on a Saturday night, and having a jolly good time.

Perhaps, in hindsight, if he'd known that someone was going to try and make a few quid out of his chosen attire, he might have gone as Elvis instead. But so what.. there will always be people out there ready, at the drop of a hat, to become mortified by the actions of anyone who doesn't quite fit in with their own particular rose tinted point of view.. but it won't be me.

I refuse to become "Disgusted of Tunbridge Wells" just because someone else thinks I should be. What is disgusting is having those with too much time on their hands, telling me what I should be thinking.

Comments please.. :)

Cheers

Liam



posted by Liam | 7:13 PM |

Monday, January 03, 2005

Hyper-Linking your pictures

Hi all,

I've now deleted the previous couple of blogs in favour of this one, in which English at least, seems to prevail in the main.

The following, although I specifically used it to get a live donation link running on this site, is perfectly applicable to any picture that you wish to create a clickable link from, just like anywhere else on the web. This could be a piccy of your favourite meal, linked to the URL of the resaurant that you eat it in.. or something else even.. :) But I digress..

Here we go, a little class in html for you all.


Above is the text string for the linkable image in my sidebar. I've put it in a text box, so you can copy, paste it straight into your own blog template.



The above text box shows where you should place the image, ideally so that it can be seen as soon as you have a visitor. Scroll down your template (on the Scribe template that I use, this is around 3/4 of the way down the template) until you get to the div id="sidebar" tag, as seen in the above text box. Enter the string as a copy and paste, immediately after that tag, click preview and check it out. Don't worry about the preview showing being a bit out of kilter, it seems to be a regular thing for me. You want to see it in real life.. open up your blog from your favourites. You may have to refresh a couple of times, but it'll turn up eventually.

If my piccie doesn't work on your site then you can upload your own picture to a new post, and create the link around the picture as follows, and this goes for any image that you want to link from.




..is similar to how the html text for your picture will look, once you've uploaded it, as seen when you click Edit HTML in the compose section of your blog. The bit you need to replace is the URL string, between " and ", not forgetting to include the full URL, including http://, or (https:// in the case of a secure site, such as in this example). You can see precisely what I mean if you go back to the first text box in this post. Once published it will link to the URL you want it to. Before publishing, click on preview, and just hold the mouse over the image in your post. You should, all being well, see the URL you have linked to, in the status bar of your browser.. (look just above the Start button)

This is the original image..

.. and how it behaves with nothing further done to it. (hold the mouse over the image and check the status bar at the bottom of your browser..)

..while this is the correctly linked image, as will be confirmed by checking out the status bar this time


Check back occasionally for more handy stuff like this. I'm no expert but if I find out how to do something useful, I'll always pass it on.. and if you have any questions about this, feel free to ask. If I don't know the answer, I'll try and find out for you.

Cheers

Liam

NB. Please only use this script, containing my picture if you are posting it via.. http://www.blogger.com ..as it's linked from their server. If you choose to try using this script on your non-blogger site, the chances are you will be graced with the presence of an image placeholder containing a red X. Not very aesthetically pleasing really :)


posted by Liam | 6:09 PM |